One year down....

Believe it or not, one year has passed since I started college. I'm sitting here, only a few days away from going back to classes, and I can't help but think about how much has changed since last year. Looking back, I can see that God has used this last year to teach me some valuable lessons...But I think the main topic that He has been concerned with is getting me to submit to His will, and not mine own. So many times this last year, it has been a tug-of-war between the two of us...myself being the problem, becuase I was often to stubborn and hardheaded to do things the easy way and just give into His plan.
When I first got accepted into the college I now attend, I was furious. I had already made up my mind that I was going away to school, and was willilng to just sign the loans and deal with it. But when an acceptance letter and rather large scholarship offer came from another school, it soon appeared that my plans were going to have to change. I was soooo mad, and clearly remember telling God that I would only give it one year...and unless He gave me some good reasons to stay, I was giong back to my original plan....I am lucky He didn't strike me down. He was merciful to me through all of my inner temper tantrums and hissy fits, and its a wonder He didn't give up on me. Now I couldn't dream of being anywhere else. The school I now attend is the perfect environment for me, and I'd hate to know where I would have ended up if I had gone down the road I would have chosen for me.
There have been multiple times this year, when I've got cought up in the "I WANTS" and "I NEEDS." A human person would have quickly grown irritated with me and would have likely given up long ago...and yet He kept on.....I am so thankful for His mercy AND PATIENCE. I think His lessons have finally paid off though. As big decisions are entering my life at this moment, I have found myself praying for a revealing of His will, and a blocking of my own. I don't want to stray from Him, and so once again, I have found myself on my knees, praying that he give me the ability to give up my own selfish desires, and to stay where He would have me be...regardless of what I feel about the situation. Then, once I am in His perfect will...perhaps He will give me the grace to bear it :) !