going Crazy In a Small Town...

It started with a drive through town...and in my hometown, thats a pretty short drive. Just the amount of time needed to let the car windows down, turn the radio up, and for me to cool off. Then however, it slowly turned into a game of "Well, I'll turn around when I reach the church," or "Ok, I'll turn around when I reach the Skating Palace," or "Fine,I will definitely turn around at this next church."
Have you ever felt like you were going crazy in your own skin? And wished you could just drop EVERYTHING and leave....just go, anywhere, somewhere, nowhere...?? About a year ago I was like this, to the point where I was just miserable, but luckily, I soon left for a service trip in Birmingham, AL, and my atitude was soon changed. But now, once again, I am going crazy in my own skin, wishing I was anywhere but here and doing anything but this. It's not that I don't love my friends and family, and it's not that I don't love my life, but lets be honest...sometimes it just drives me insane!! :) While I was driving I found myself on the highway, thinking, "If I keep going, I can reach the mountians in less than an hour...and how nice would that be?" Now, my foot on the gas said keep going, and my heart said keep going, and I'm pretty sure that my hands and my steering wheele were also in agreement...but my brain had to be the sensible one, not failing to point out that I was both broke and on a half of a tank of gas. And while I think I would have been perfectly happy to just spend the night in my car, my brain was feeling extra helpful, and didn't mind pointing out all the trouble I would have caused if I had just ditched out. So, here I am, about an hour later, at home.
Ya know, I think I could make a pretty content hobo...lol. Sometimes the idea of skipping town and working odd jobs here and there as I traveled around the U.S. seems extrememly appealing to me...although I feel wrong for feeling that way. I'm supposed to go to school, get a degree and a good job, and live life...or at least thats how it seems to me...and while I truly like that plan, I can't help but wonder what a year away from that plan would be like. I want to see places and experience things, and all too soon (HAHA) I'm going to be expected to go out on my own and provide for my ownself, and won't be able to do it. I'll have too many responsibilites...unless I catch a rich husband, which is highly unlikely, as I don't see marriage anywhere in my future. Nothings holding me back but myself though...my family probably wouldn't like it, but they wouldn't stop me...they wouldn't have to, because I would stop my self...simply because I'm not brave enough to do it. I wish I was though, and am envious of those bloggers on here who have the courage to do it. For now I guess I'll have to stick to my books and movies and imagination....and maybe if I'm lucky I'll get the opportunity to maybe ditch town for the day...as of this moment I already feel a little bit better. Perhaps this is a lesson from God...teaching me a lesson to be content where He has me at...but hopefully he will send some patience to me while He is teaching it...




WIDE WIDE WORLD BY ERIN O'DONNELL
I wanted to be safe
I wanted to get by
I almost lost my edge
I could not fathom why
But you would never let me
Your dang’rous side won out
‘Cause you knew what I wanted
I wanted to get out

Chorus:
It’s a wide wide world
And I almost lost you in it
It’s a chance to live
But it almost passed me by
It’s an open door
To live for something better
‘Cause you keep leading me
Into the wide wide world

Did Moses want to turn back
After crossing the red sea?
I bet that he got nervous
I wish that I could see
‘Cause I’ve got the shakes all over
And I want to turn around
But I’m twice as scared of missing
The good that can be found

Chorus

‘Cause you are past the borders
Somewhere off the map
Of what feels comfortable
And I am so grateful for that

It’s adventure that we want
And it’s what we’ll fin’lly get
There’s nothing safe about You
But sometimes I forget
So lead me into the wide world
Don’t let me miss my chance
‘Cause I’ll blink and it’ll be over
And I won’t pass here again

Just me playing around with the Camera again!!

"Bow thy heavens, O LORD, and come down: touch the mountains, and they shall smoke." ~Psalms 144:5

Bonjour, Good Day!!!

Bonjour!! Ok, so I'm from the South. I've gone west and had people tease me about my accent...and I've had people come east and criticize our food(Of course, the latter of these two were family that have become traitors to their own southern blood). While I've never really had anyone criticize me for be to chatty (except one senile teacher) or friendly (although I do make it a point to be so),I have often heard these terms used in referring to some southerners. I guess this might be the case, for its not unusual to stand in the line at a grocery store or a doctors office and make small talk with some complete stranger.
While on vacation a few weeks ago, it seems my family and I had found the friendliest town on earth. Everywhere we stopped people were more than happy to help, and even more happy to chat with you. Our frequent creek side picnics led to friendly waves and hello's from passing canoes, rafts, and tubers. But then, one evening, my Dad and I were waiting in the car while the others picked up some items from in the grocery store. He was reading a magazine and I was engrossed in a book, as usual, when the man loading his motorcycle beside us walks up to the window of the car and starts chatting with us. And the sad thing was, I had to put my guard up...I mean, here was a man, telling us about his wife's birthday party and the baptism that he had attended earlier in the day, and here was me, on the edge of my seat, waiting for him to pull a gun out and demand what little cash I didn't even have.
I can't help but ponder about how sad this truly is. Somewhere along the line, people of stopped caring about one another, and now, its not even safe to go to school, church, or the mall. Every day that one steps out of their house, they are putting the fate of their lives in the hands of everyone around them, and it's sad to say, that some people just don't care about others. As we see all of these shootings, gang fights, and such happening around us, I can't help but wonder what was going on in the attackers mind. The media feeds us all these sob stories about how they weren't mentally stable or how they were suffering from depression and such, but I can still not grasp my mind around how another person could think that they have the right to play God, and end others lives. What makes them think that they have the right to do this?? I truly can't imagine this, and would love to be able to pick their brains and figure it out...although I am sure that it wouldn't make much of a difference....thus, since we have the "psychos" running around town now, a simple conversation about a baptism sets me on edge.
I have a theory however, one that just recently occured to me. I work with children, and one of my pet peeves is when they tell me "My momma said, if someone hits me, that I need to hit them back." (NOTE: you must add the attitude and the head bobbing to get the full effect of this catch phrase) I remember this phrase from when I was a child, and knew that if I ever had to defend myself, that I could without fear of punishment later on. But it seems to me, that somewhere along the lines, the exact meaning of the phrase as been taking out of context....it now means things like this..."If I hit you first, and you hit me back, my mama said I could hit you again..." or "If you look at me wrong, my mama said I could hit you..." or "If it crosses my mind to hit you, my mama said I could hit you..." and lastly, "If I think I have reason to hit you, then my mama said, I could hit you..." Not only do the kids think this way, but it seems that the parents do too. You can tell that their kid kicked someone, or tried to choke another child (and leaves hand prints), and you would think that the next thing that tends to come out of their mouth is "You've got some explaining to do son/daughter..." well,no, it's "Well, what did the other child do to them." Thus we are left with kids who think they have the right to take matters into their own hands and aren't able to control their fists when they are angry....which eventually, I'm almost sure, leads to people who think they have the right to take others lives because they have a reason to not like them.
NOTE: I am in no means saying that all children are like this, in fact, I have some children that are very well behaved and are very confident and independent, yet, it seems, that I keep seeing more and more of this "My mama said hit you" ideas spreading around through my children, and I'm thinking that its something that we as adults need to correct before these children grow up and are set in this mentality.

Ok, so Photographer Im not.....but I can aspire lol

One year down....

Believe it or not, one year has passed since I started college. I'm sitting here, only a few days away from going back to classes, and I can't help but think about how much has changed since last year. Looking back, I can see that God has used this last year to teach me some valuable lessons...But I think the main topic that He has been concerned with is getting me to submit to His will, and not mine own. So many times this last year, it has been a tug-of-war between the two of us...myself being the problem, becuase I was often to stubborn and hardheaded to do things the easy way and just give into His plan.
When I first got accepted into the college I now attend, I was furious. I had already made up my mind that I was going away to school, and was willilng to just sign the loans and deal with it. But when an acceptance letter and rather large scholarship offer came from another school, it soon appeared that my plans were going to have to change. I was soooo mad, and clearly remember telling God that I would only give it one year...and unless He gave me some good reasons to stay, I was giong back to my original plan....I am lucky He didn't strike me down. He was merciful to me through all of my inner temper tantrums and hissy fits, and its a wonder He didn't give up on me. Now I couldn't dream of being anywhere else. The school I now attend is the perfect environment for me, and I'd hate to know where I would have ended up if I had gone down the road I would have chosen for me.
There have been multiple times this year, when I've got cought up in the "I WANTS" and "I NEEDS." A human person would have quickly grown irritated with me and would have likely given up long ago...and yet He kept on.....I am so thankful for His mercy AND PATIENCE. I think His lessons have finally paid off though. As big decisions are entering my life at this moment, I have found myself praying for a revealing of His will, and a blocking of my own. I don't want to stray from Him, and so once again, I have found myself on my knees, praying that he give me the ability to give up my own selfish desires, and to stay where He would have me be...regardless of what I feel about the situation. Then, once I am in His perfect will...perhaps He will give me the grace to bear it :) !

Elvis Presley - Can't Help Falling In Love With You