forMypleasure

OK, so, I've definitely never wanted to be one of those girls who rambles on about relationships until the people around her have bruised ears from listening....cause lets face it, most people could really care less, right? I've never thought of myself as that kind of girl, and normally, I can count on one hand they number of people who know what guy I might be interested in at the time...and sadly enough, I'm so secretive about these feelings that "the guy" isn't even one of those five or less people....So, what I'm trying to get at is, PLEASE forgive me this once if I ramble on a about a relationship...I vow, if you forgive me this once, then I won't mention the male sex for at least another month! :) And besides, no one has tied you to the computer chair and forced you to read this, so if it can't be tolerated just this once, well, the "BACK" button is right up there in the top left hand corner....and then we all can be happy!

I think I might have met a guy I could really like, and that scares the bajeebees outta me...for more then one reason. There have been guys that I have "liked," but the last time I REALLY like a guy, i got my heart crushed (thro no one's fault but my own, of course), and now that there's a slight possibility that there could be another guy that I could "really like," I'm thinking that I'll trade my ticket for the "Love Boat" in, and instead go for a cross country trip on the greyhound- cause I don't know if I really want to go there again. Furthermore, I was just beginning to bring myself to terms with what I have recently deemed as my fate. I can't "really like" a guy, you see, because, I'm supposed to be the one that becomes the old cat lady that lives at the end of the street in the old haunted mansion. I'm supposed have "NO TRESPASSING" signs on my trees and a yard full of baseballs because the neighborhood children are all too scared to come retrieve them from my backyard. While its definitely a hard fate to swallow, I was coming to terms with it...somewhat....:)

I don't know....it's not the idea of a relationship that worries me really, because, I don't honestly foresee that happening, its more of the feelings that get involved. As much as I may have thought I wanted them at one time, I DON'T want them, I don't want to spend the next few months, or whatever, wondering, hoping, praying, or wanting something that will never happen...ya know? I'm sick of that, and I don't want to put myself in that position.

I spent the last few weeks in a "pity party" of some sorts...moaning and groaning to myself about what I have "deemed my fate." "Poor Poor Me," ya know? I had already figured out that a relationship wasn't the thing for me right now, because I have dreams and goals, and I don't know if I would be willing to set that aside for a relationship. Being with someone would only complicate the plans for my now, and my future....and I knew this, and still wanted to have "LOVE" (HA HA). But in the process of typing this blog, I have come to the conclusion that maybe this little, tiny bit of a crush that was developing, was a lesson from God, trying to prove to me, that He knows best, and that our wants and our desires aren't always in the plan. Things will work out for the best without what I want getting in the way. So, maybe I should just sit back for now and late his divine plan take control. "What ever will be will be," eh?